Growing up in Denial:
I never quite got the sense that there was anything different about me. Well, other than the fact that I did all the typical “gay” things as a kid and not very many of the “normal guy” things.
I was in chorus, drama and even wrote for the school literary arts magazine (poetry mostly). You can imagine the taunts. I was called everything from a big girl to a queer.
Things that didn’t help my cause much? Well, in 11th grade I had one of the best Social Studies teachers ever (Mr. Lynn). We had a standing assignment. Every Friday we were to have ready a current event from that week and our opinion about that event which we would talk about out loud to the class.
It just so happened that in the state of NY at the time, there were a lot of items in the news about women’s rights, gay rights and quite a few other social issues. Even still, thinking I was straight, I would always take the stance that gays should be able to have weddings legally.
Picking the fight
After the first time I did an assignment like that, I think I sought them out more often. I got a real charge out of having a different opinion than everyone else and being able to express it. I still do actually.
It’s that charge that made me feel alive. It wasn’t really the substance of it all. It was the fact that I had the ability to speak in terms of logic, law and founding documents where the rest of my peers resorted to “that’s dumb” and “you’re gay” as a defense for their opinion.
But again, at that point in my life, I was straight (well, a virgin but they can be straight right)?
Egypt, it’s in the Bible too:
There is that other thing that plays a bit of a factor here too. My parents didn’t go to church but I did. Every Sunday, I woke up and walked a mile to church, and then walked a mile back after it was over.
Of course, everyone likes to quote scripture when battling against gay rights. It was the same in school too. Even as a child and a Christian, I understood that debates on government policy and law can never use the Bible as evidence. Even though, obviously, it is used by adults to this day. I really never understood how this basic fundimental can be lost on grown people. I never really understood why there weren’t people trying to outlaw cheese burgers since the Bible pretty much said you can’t eat those either.
So, I do need to tend to my offline life as well. I think between this post and my last one, you have a basic understanding of what types of things are running through my mind, and how I grew up.
Next time, I’ll talk about my time in the Army a little bit and how I lost my virginity. I waited a whole 19 years (unheard of right?). I will have several stories about my Army life in the future because, a lot happened. It’s where I really came to know myself.
Until next time!